1.
As a blind man, never marry for big boobs and ass.
In your marriage, there are times when you’ll need your partner to help out with some mental tasks that have been made difficult for you because of your blindness; and in case you don’t know, big boobs contain no brains but fats.
Let smartness be your priority in your would-be wife, the assets can come as bonus.
2.
A woman you’re making love to for the first time will naturally want to mount and ride you. This, I guess, is because she feels you should relax and be taken care of at all times.
Remember there’s no second chance for a first impression. So, kindly lay her on her back and show her that what you lack in sight, you make up for it else where. Drill hard and swift; with subtle or brutal strokes when required.
You might go for other positions at subsequent times, but make sure a good impression is made on your first battle.
For a blind lady? Well, I’m not exactly sure. But I think having the head bowed for long is something that makes the eyes of some blind persons ache; so as a sighted man, you might want to be considerate when your blind partner doesn’t want to be taken from the back.
3.
Personally, I usually take my booze directly from the bottle, either through straw or draining straight from the bottleneck.
Lacks finesse, I know, but I do this mainly for two reasons.
i. Pouring my wine into a drinking-cup myself is never a monumental task, but it comes with the uncertainty of whether you’ve filled your cup or not.
And sometimes, especially when the intoxicant is at work, I might fill my cup to the brim and have it spilling over.
If you were an elder statesman like me, trust me, it’s not a position you’d want to find yourself, especially when you’re at someone else’s house.
ii. The set of persons to get killed quickly by poison are the blind. There’s evil everywhere. So, I always like to be the one to pop my bottles and hold it in my hand till it’s completely drained.
This is just a safety measure for me. As a blind person, you might want to consider it too.
4.
Many blind persons, especially those who lost their sight at the early stage of their life, do not know that people close their eyes when kissing.
So, it doesn’t matter whether your eyes are blind or not, always endeavour to shut your eyes while kissing.
5.
As a blind person, it’s always nice to look directly at people’s face when talking to them even when you see nothing.
Looking else where while talking to someone makes you look like a diety. I was once guilty of this, and my girlfriend at the time would put her hand under my chin, turn my head to her and say; “always look at me when talking, Demola”.
Also, try looking into your phone when pressing it, and turn to look when someone calls you at a different direction from the one you’re facing.
Yeah, it’s something like a facade; but trust me, it makes you look like a normal human being and not a puppet.
I once took this front to the extreme though. It was in my 100 level in the university. I was presenting a seminar paper in front of hundreds of persons, and I was reeling off sentences after sentences with me looking into the paper.
My classmates were all confused. Even the lecturer walked up to me and ask what was happening
So, if you, as a sighted reader, have a blind friend who’s oblivious of this, please kindly keep correcting him until he gets used to it.
6.
There’s something with seeking help or favour from people. You often lack the right to call your benefactor’s bluff whenever he’s wrong.
Unfortunately, that applies to the blind too. Because we are sometimes at the mercy of friends and strangers for sight intensive tasks, we often guilt trip ourselves into being an ingrate whenever we consider venting our displeasure to a helper who has offended us, hence eroding our dignity.
But that’s never an honourable way to live. It’s more dignifying to go down swinging. Always make your opinion known, no matter the consequences.
Do it constructively though. A reasonable helper will never deny you that right to get angry and vent it.
7.
As a blind person, never walk behind whoever that is leading you with your hand outstretched. It makes you look like a sacrificial lamb being led to the shrine. You might as well have a rope on your neck when you two walk that way.
Always try to keep pace with your guide and walk beside him or at most, two inches behind. It’s really ridiculous when your guide has to be the one pulling you to walk.
8.
It’s natural for mature human beings to have sexual intercourse, and the blind are not wanting in this area. But because we can’t see many things, the vanilla sex is what is known to us, either through natural instinct or genetics.
So, here’s my advice to my blind brothers. Never express shock if you expect sexual sensations in your woman’s below and you’re getting it from the above instead. There’s something called ‘oral sex (mouth action)’, and it is as old as man itself.
Well, I have no words for my blind sisters. I’m tongue-tied
9.
Always speak boldly and unapologetically. You offend no-one for being blind.
10.
Never allow anyone to walk all over you because of your disability.
Many a time, we lose our self esteem together with our sight; but in the instant we can keep our self esteem intact in spite of our disability, we’ll be less bullshitted by life.
Demola Adeleke
Image credit: Internet
